Swinging Lifestyle Etiquette
Everyone in the swinging lifestyle wants to be successful as swingers. It doesn't matter how often, with whom, where, or in what style we swing. If you employ the following suggestions or adapt them to your own situation, you should become a welcome participant.
Be aware that this is a lifestyle full of insecurities, uncertainties and fears. Courteously is how we all want to be treated - with kindness, thoughtfulness, understanding and sensitivity. In essence, courtesy is our treating people the way we ourselves want to be treated.
Whether or not you are personally interested in swinging with someone, be polite. You never know, you may share many other interests or you may meet that person again, and they may introduce you to someone with whom you ARE compatible and do wish to share time.
Respond to ALL Invitations
RSVP means please reply to the invitation. It does NOT mean reply only if you plan to attend. The most frustrating part of hosting, be it a party, a group or another couple, is people who are discourteous enough not to respond. Good etiquette and good social courtesy means that you should always respond, by either calling or writing to say yes OR no.
Never Arrive Empty Handed
When you go to someone's home for a party, ask if there is something you can bring. (it's amazing how many supplies, other than food are used up at an average party.) If you are not going as a couple, a house - gift is appropriate (and not necessarily wine.) This is not necessary when attending a party where an entrance fee is charged. If the party is a BYOB (Bring your Own Bottle) take a bottle of what you will be drinking, it is extreme rudeness to take along a bottle of wine, then proceed to drink someone else's bottle of scotch.
Take whatever you personally are going to need with you. Carry a small overnight bag for lingerie or robe, hairbrush, comb, toothbrush, cologne, intimate cleansing articles, condoms, etc.. If you plan to stay over, sleeping bags or blankets and pillows are necessities.
Grooming & Cleanliness
Nothing turns a person off faster and more effectively than an unclean body or stale breath. Even if you shower and perfume yourself before you leave home, it is always a good idea to freshen up again when you arrive at your destination. It is amazing what time to drive somewhere, stop for a bite, or whatever, can do or rather UNDO.
Have respect for other people Feelings
None of us are comfortable in all situations, Keep your eyes open for signs that your partner, as well as others, is relaxed and enjoying themselves. If someone is not comfortable, try helping them over the rough spots. Remember, you were a beginner once yourself. If it is obvious that things are not working out, remain polite and courteous; but alert the host. Keep in mind that not all people feel the same about things.
Don't Be Pushy
If you are interested in swinging with someone, let them know in an inviting way; if they are interested, they will respond positively. If they are not and say "No, thank you," do not ask WHY. No amount of sweet talk or coercion on your part should change their mind and will probably work against you. Everyone has the right to say "NO" at all times, to anyone, without explanation. Never forget that, one day you maybe the one who wants to say No.
Only Do What is Fun for YOU
Never allow yourself to become sexually involved with anybody that you are not interested in. There is no reason to involve yourself in any action that you are not comfortable with. You are in the swinging scene to enjoy yourself, so only do what you want, when you want and with whom you want.
When, How and Why to say No
The main and most important etiquette in swinging is the right of anyone to say "No" at any time. Experience has taught most people that everybody is not right for everybody else. Improper handling of a situation, can however lead to a lot of hurt or very bad feelings. The swing world accepts the premise that everyone has the right to say "No" to anyone at anytime and it should be done with a simple "No thank you". Never give an explanation, because that is what usually causes the problems and the pain.
Alcohol and Drugs
Most people in the swinging scene are drug free, although some of us drink socially. At times, a few drinks are nice to help you "relax". Over indulging may hamper your physical abilities, as well as offend or turn other people off to you. If you have to over indulge in order to participate in swinging, you are involved in the wrong lifestyle.
It is up to us to protect ourselves as well as our sexual and life partners. With the present concern over sexually transmitted diseases such as syphilis, gonorrhea, aids, yeast infection, etc.., the use of condoms should not offend anybody. Anyone not willing to take this precaution is acting selfishly and irresponsibly. You are not being accused of being unclean, but simply someone wishes to provide you both with protection.
Thank Your Hosts
Most people only use the telephone if they are going to go somewhere. Lost seems to the social ambience of a 'Thank You Note' or phone call to someone whose hospitality you enjoyed. It means a lot to most people, and they will surely remember you when planning their next event. Don't you like to be thanked?
Be the Best Hosts You Can Be
When you have people coming to your home, try to anticipate their needs: put clean sheets on the beds; keep plenty of clean wash cloths and towels available. Show your guests through the house so that they will know where the bathrooms, kitchen, and other rooms are located.
You should reply to everyone who contacts you within two weeks even if it is to say No.
Remember not everyone you write to is interested in you or your partners sexual heroics. A first letter should include a brief description of yourselves, how you match their requirements or fantasies. Remember that you are competing for the attention of the person/couple against many others. Make your contact amusing, informative, concise and truthful.
Always Enjoy Yourself
Most important, have a good time, act out your fantasies, explore your own sexuality and enjoy everything this lifestyle has to offer with enthusiasm, laughter and a positive attitude. If ever you find that the lifestyle is no longer fun, take a break.